Winds of Change

Each time I write a post something big seems to happen in my life. It may be something good, it may be something bad. Lately I have found myself thinking about my time spent here in college. I have made the decision to stop with an Associates degree and pursue so.ethi g different perferably working with at risk youth. The thought of graduating from college in about a month has me feeling all kinds of weird things. This has also allowed me to reflect on my time spent here.

For this program, I had to fill out an experience form that tells what I have done/ taken part in while attending school here. As I began ti fill this out I found myself a little disappointed. I had noticed a pattern that I seem have never been able to out run. Due to being a very quiet person and not the most assertive I find myself often overlooked by others and even forgotten. This happens a lot.

During my time of attending school here I have been in three different friend groups with about six people excluding me. People come, stay for a semester, and leave. The turn-over is awful here. Off all these people from these different groups, I still keep in contact with two maybe three. I find it a little discouraging to be honest. Tiz another pattern that seems to form in my life that continues to feed my longing for consistency.

Apologies for the somewhat rant or half post, toz all I can think of at the moment. Good night lads/lasses. X

Do You Want To Go To Mordor......

I was chilling in the lobby with a few of my friends here at school, and we started watching Lord of the Rings. By taking part of this activity....I began to sing a parody I wrote over spring break last semester. It goes to the tune of "Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" Soooo I hope you enjoy this, try not to make fun of me to much.

Do you wanna go to Mordor
Come on lets go today
The wizard Gandolf is here in town
He's grey not brown
Hip Hip Hooray

We can take Pippin and Mary
And Sam Wise too
What have we got to loooooose
Do you wanna go to Mordor
It really has to be to Mordor
 (Fly away you fools)
okay bye

Do you wanna go to Mordor
We'll meet some elves along the way
Maybe kill an Orc or two
Does that sound good to you
and Gollum's cray

Oh look I see some Ring Wraiths
And Soron too
That is one scary dude
Do you wanna go to Mordor
It really has to be to Mordor
 (Fly away you fools)
okay bye

Frodo....I know you're in there,
The ring is messing with your head
You say take courage, and I'm trying to
I'll be right with you, until the end
I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you
That's what I'm going to do

Do you wanna go to Mordor


I hope you enjoyed this....I hope to get a video up of it on the youtubes soon. This isn't a normal blog post done by me...normally I am a little more serious, but hey..this shows a different side of me. Have an awesome day/night. x

Vacation.....

For the past three months I have been waiting for this past week, to go back home to Michigan. I had plans to go with a friend and then he got scheduled to work. I had pretty much decided that I was just going to go like I normally do...alone. Then as I got to thinking about everything I was like “hey, my cousin never comes and maybe she would like to.” So I called her up and asked if she wanted to come. I had made plans for us to go to Michigan Adventure, the Soda Fountain, and my other cousin's wedding with me.

The car ride up wasn't so bad, tiz a twelve hour drive. We got in around seven Michigan time. Excited and on the verge to bust a gut, I bypassed my grandma and ran right for the restroom. Once out, I gave her the proper greeting she deserved, then unloaded everyone's stuff from the car. Thursday we woke up a little late and did some work in the yard for my grandma and then went to the beach for some sunset pictures. We ended up going a little to early so I did not some good ones like I did the last time. There were some lads out jumping the waves on jet skis it was fun to watch that. Occasionally they fell off or tipped upside down. The beach was a mess, I was sad to see it in that state. With all the ice they had this year and the glaciers melting, it had washed up some nasty stuff on the beach.

Friday we stopped by to see my grandpa. About a month ago, I received a phone call saying that he was not doing well at all. His heart was only working at 25% even with the pump that he had. Being the age he was, he was no longer a good candidate for heart surgery. Knowing I would have much time any other day except for Sunday, I went and saw him before I went to the amusement park. We had a very nice visit, caught up with each other, joked around, my cousin got to talk to him for a bit , she hadn't seen him in about three years. After saying our bye's my cousin and I went to Michigan Adventure and I must say, it was a blast. The first place we went was Shivering Timbers. It used to be, I do not know if it still is, but at the time of it's building it was the country's largest wooden roller coaster. After that, we made our way through the park, the lines weren't to awfully bad, and it was the perfect day to be outside. It was the first time in a long time I had seen my cousin truly happy. Our day did not end there. We left the park around six and headed up to a horse camp where some of my Mum's friends were staying. I got the privilege of doing what I would normally do while attending that same camp; starting the fire for the evening gathering.

Sitting around the fire was nice. I saw some people I had met the year before and some new faces. I did not contribute much the conversations, I was pretty tired. The adults were talking about proposal stories, how cheap gas used to be and what they would do as teenagers. I ended up talking to a lad that was across from me about books.

Saturday was an over all fantastically terrible day. I woke up late so I missed breakfast with my grandpa and the rest of the family. My grandma that we were staying with was rushed to urgent care first thing. Once we got back, it was time to get ready for the wedding we were attending while being home. We left the house with my aunt and uncle. The wedding was nice, I can't say I enjoy weddings, but this one was rather nice and very pretty. It was outside a church surrounded by pines with a little stage. The church had called it “Chapel in the Pines”. We went back to the house after that then headed to the VFW hall for the reception. I can't say I remember much of the reception sadly, what I do remember brings tears to my eyes. For the past three weeks I have been suffering from headaches that gradually shift into migraines. At the reception, I was borderline migraine. I had a small conversation with my grandpa then just kind of zoned out trying to blot out the noise. When he got up and left, I had not idea that it was the last time I was going to talk to him. We had all made plans to eat breakfast together Sunday morning. We left early from the reception to help my aunt do chores for her daughter. On our way out to the house we were going to, we got a phone call. It was my grandpa, he had collapsed. When we got to the location, he was on the ground with paramedics surrounding him. This was my last memory of him. I took for granted that I was going to see him Sunday, I didn't tell him “bye” I didn't say “I love you” after I talked to him last. In fact his last words to me were “I wish you would smile more” those words hurt, my response was to shrug it off. I did not sleep Saturday night, every time I closed my eyes I saw him laying there with the paramedics working on him.

Sunday I woke up a mess. We all did. Mum had a surprise graduation party planned for me and she still went through with it. She insisted that it was what he would have wanted. I didn’t want to say no, to be honest part of me thought it would at least be good for the family to be together. I could slap on a smile and act happy for a few hours. That is what I did, when everyone left I went to sleep. We left Monday morning early and got back around eight that evening. The car was filled with an awkward silence none of us really wanting to say anything.

I can't say this has been my particularly favourite vacation, if anything it had set me back more than it has helped. Seeing someone you love die and then thinking of all the things you should have said, things you should have done, it kills you. I can't say I'm really ready to talk about it yet, honestly I cried the whole time I typed this. The only thing different about dealing with this is that I am not alone this time. I have friends that I made in college that are here for me, just a phone call away. x